Growing Time

Sooooooo... my birthday is coming up really soon, a note-worthy one, and I am feeling some kind of way about it. It is a mixture of gratefulness and fear.

I am grateful always to be able to spend another year with family and friends in good health, with a great job-- now my love life sucks balls, but I'm beginning to see around me that I am not alone in that even though the image portrayed is that of "We are so in love. Our family is perfect." I never want to take for granted the fact that I am still here.

The fear I am feeling is most definitely a superficial fear... aging. Yes! I am being shallow for a moment. Now, I welcome maturity-- I look at some late teens, early twenty year old females and tell myself I would never want to go back to being that stupid and loud for no damn reason. BUT, I would like to remain looking like I do.

Lol Come on! I am not the only one! The promises of the fountain of youth is a billion dollar industry! I will not say that this consumes my thoughts, but I do pay attention to it more that I did ten years ago.

So as my birthday approaches next week I am telling myself to not focus on the fact that I am getting physically "older", but focus on the fact that I am blessed with the opportunity to experience more and grow wiser.

And even though I do not get to spend this time with the woman that I love since she is no longer in my life the way my heart would want her to be, I still plan on having a great time with the woman who makes me feel younger every day.